I know, I've been away for a long time, and I have a good reason for it, since I've hardly had any time to do anything, and I've been so tired that I haven't had any energy to write. But now I'm back, and try to pick up blogging again. So let's begin the actual story.
So, for this text I tried to find pics of me that make me think that I'm beautiful. Only pics I found were cosplay pics like this:
But I didn't want to choose a cosplay pic. Why? 'Cause in these kind of pics my face (not my body too much) has gone through an hour worth of make up, contact lenses and some photoshop (I usually fix just colors and shadows a little) So I don't look like that in my everyday life. I look more like this:
This is one of my make up tests, so it's not like I look like when I wake up and put on a five minute make up. I still have contact lenses on and a lot of make up. I can say that I'm beautiful in this, but this still is not what I am in my everyday life. When we go to that this pic would be more like it:
This one is with my normal make up. Only eyeliner and mascara. Nothing else. Now here goes the line of calling myself beautiful. So that means that if I don't think that I'm beautiful in this pic, even though it looks like me in my normal school life, doesn't that mean that I don't think myself beautiful?
Exactly, I don't think I'm beautiful. I have an imperfect face, I'm far from being skinny, my hair might be really long but it's thin as hell, I have boring eye color, my eyes are too small anyways, and lets not even talk about how short my legs are, and leave out my fat tights. I think this is pretty much how a lot of girls see themselves.
Even when I know that it doesn't matter, that I'm interesting and smart enough to have friends even when I'm not beautiful, so with some time I stopped caring about it. And I wished more people would be able to do that. What I'm trying to say is how pitiful it is, living just to be beautiful. Normally people say that you are beautiful the way you are. That isn't really true (depending on how we see the word "beautiful") You may not be beautiful and even if someone thinks that you are it isn't a absolute fact. But you know what? I'm not beautiful, you're not beautiful, that really popular girl in your class may not be beautiful either. It's all about how you see yourself.
I do think some make up can make you pretty, and make you look like what people think is beautiful. Cosplay is a different matter, but in your everyday life it's not so important to be beautiful. Be interesting instead.
My brother always bullies me about being fat and ugly and stupid and pretty much everything. And I am a little fat and not beautiful (that stupid one I won't admit) but for some reason I've never been bullied in school. Maybe it's because I was scary or maybe it was just because even though I wasn't beautiful I at least was interesting. It's not all about being beautiful, it's about having an attitude like "I may not be beautiful, but that doesn't matter. I'm just as good as everyone else."
That's how I want things to be, everyone seeing what they are and accepting it. It's hard, and I have problems with it as well. But everything I need to do is throw the "Your beautiful, your a good person" attitude out of the window and be myself. Nothing else is needed.
I am beautiful even like this: