I'm (not) beautiful

Hello people!

I know, I've been away for a long time, and I have a good reason for it, since I've hardly had any time to do anything, and I've been so tired that I haven't had any energy to write. But now I'm back, and try to pick up blogging again. So let's begin the actual story.

So, for this text I tried to find pics of me that make me think that I'm beautiful. Only pics I found were cosplay pics like this: 

But I didn't want to choose a cosplay pic. Why? 'Cause in these kind of pics my face (not my body too much) has gone through an hour worth of make up, contact lenses and some photoshop (I usually fix just colors and shadows a little) So I don't look like that in my everyday life. I look more like this:

This is one of my make up tests, so it's not like I look like when I wake up and put on a five minute make up. I still have contact lenses on and a lot of make up. I can say that I'm beautiful in this, but this still is not what I am in my everyday life. When we go to that this pic would be more like it:

This one is with my normal make up. Only eyeliner and mascara. Nothing else. Now here goes the line of calling myself beautiful. So that means that if I don't think that I'm beautiful in this pic, even though it looks like me in my normal school life, doesn't that mean that I don't think myself beautiful?

Exactly, I don't think I'm beautiful. I have an imperfect face, I'm far from being skinny, my hair might be really long but it's thin as hell, I have boring eye color, my eyes are too small anyways, and lets not even talk about how short my legs are, and leave out my fat tights. I think this is pretty much how a lot of girls see themselves.

Even when I know that it doesn't matter, that I'm interesting and smart enough to have friends even when I'm not beautiful, so with some time I stopped caring about it. And I wished more people would be able to do that. What I'm trying to say is how pitiful it is, living just to be beautiful. Normally people say that you are beautiful the way you are. That isn't really true (depending on how we see the word "beautiful") You may not be beautiful and even if someone thinks that you are it isn't a absolute fact. But you know what? I'm not beautiful, you're not beautiful, that really popular girl in your class may not be beautiful either. It's all about how you see yourself.

I do think some make up can make you pretty, and make you look like what people think is beautiful. Cosplay is a different matter, but in your everyday life it's not so important to be beautiful. Be interesting instead. 

My brother always bullies me about being fat and ugly and stupid and pretty much everything. And I am a little fat and not beautiful (that stupid one I won't admit) but for some reason I've never been bullied in school. Maybe it's because I was scary or maybe it was just because even though I wasn't beautiful I at least was interesting. It's not all about being beautiful, it's about having an attitude like "I may not be beautiful, but that doesn't matter. I'm just as good as everyone else." 

That's how I want things to be, everyone seeing what they are and accepting it. It's hard, and I have problems with it as well. But everything I need to do is throw the "Your beautiful, your a good person" attitude out of the window and be myself. Nothing else is needed.

I am beautiful even like this:

Cosvision!

Hellouh, my dears!

This is my Cosvision con raport, and that's why in English, since I've decited to write my con raports this way, so everyone can read them.

Sooo, Cosvision was a nice con, and I attended as Byakuya on Saturday and as Shiki on Sunday.

First of all, I took a lot of stress about my Byakuya cosplay. With these dead hands of mine and very little amount of freetime I was still sewing at 1am on Saturday. But, I almost made it. My costume is missing the sword Byakuya has, but no worries, I will make it when the summer break comes, and when I have time.  Still, the Saturday morning went just fine, thou I was a little nervous how to do my hair, but it turned out good enough.

(c) Jasmin Fränti

We had a Inuyasha cosplay group on Saturday and it was amazing. We had 10 Inu cosplayers (Well, in Tracon there were like 15 of us, but oh well) and, I they ask me, mostly because of that we were asked to attend to Group Hall Cosplay competition. (8 of us attended) There were many people in our group who hadn't competed before, so I think that was a good experiement for them also. I liked that as well, since it was my first time in Hall cosplay competition. and of course, I felt like th effort I had put in my costume has not been wasted :3 Of course the others too, our group was filled with awesome poeple <3

(c) Santtu Pajukanta

After that, nothing really happened, I just hang out with my girlfriend, AngelOfMusic, cause every programme I wanted to attend to was over already. We met Kaname thou. AngelOfMusic was too shy to ask a picture with him (Since she was sitting in a wheelchair and all) But it went well, and Kaname turned out to be a really nice and warm person. If I weren't fallen for AngelOfMusic already I could really fall for him, even we talked for... like 4 minutes altogether.

On Sunday I was wearing my Shiki cosplay, and testing a new wig AngelOfMusic borrowed me (Thou, I like the old one better)

(c) Marko Holmberg

It was a bit exiting to see how people reacted to AngelOfMusic sitting in a wheelchair, but everyone seemed to be really nice about it. Even Kaname. I was pushing AngelOfMusic on the hallway, just after Kaname's Q&A and then I feel a tap on my shoulder, and there's Kaname smiling at me and being like "shh". Then he took the other one of AngelOfMusic's wheelchair's handels and I understood what he was doing and stepped back. So he starts pushing AngelOfMusic. It took a few second from her to notice it, but then she heard my giggeling and Kaname said something and then she went all red and was like "Spitaalinen, what are you doing, what are you doing!" Kaname just laughs there and then gives her back to me with a smile and "Take care!"
I just love that man.
He. Is. Awesome!

 

Buut, about Cosvision itself:

It was a nice con. I couldn't attend to many programmes, and skipped even cosplay competitions. I were at Kaname's and Miyu's Q&A and honestly, they had two really interesting guests of honor, and they had only hour for their Q&A. There were some questions already there, and they took most of the time. They had time for three or four questions from the audience. It kinda succed, but I got to ask my forever question to all famous cosplayers "Do you have any cosplay idols?" I tried to be smart and ask in Japanese but just when the Q&A started my hand got a pain attack, and I was curled up in a small ball, almost crying, so Angel of music gave me a strong pain killer, so I was a bit out of it back then. 

The other full programme I was in was in Kairi's preparing a performance. It was a fun and nice lecture, but as an actress (or what do you call us half professionals) I knew most of the things we did there. We still had a lot of fun!

(c) Jos sinä kuvan ilmeisesti Yuno cossaaja, jos näät tämän, mulla on muitakin kuvia meistä, jos haluat nähdä

 The place where Cosvision was held, Logomo, was in a nice place. It was just next to train station, althou there was very little placies to eat, except for Logomo's own restaurant which was kinda expencive. Thou there was plenty if you were willing to walk a little, and one service station was pretty near. 

The place itself was nice and there was a lot of space as well. Th emain hall was maybe a bit too empty, but oh well, it didn't bug me that much at all. There was a lot of good placies for photoshoot, and different sceneries as well.

 

And what would a con be without the random moments. When we drove there, we stopped to take a little break, and then we realised how funny it looked like, Byakuya calmly walking in the parking plot of some random design market.

I broke my other sandal, realized how handy those sleeves were, when you use them a pockets, and noticed that my Vampire Knight cosplay's pants are too big for me nowdays. 

Alltogether Cosvision was a memorable con!

Thank you everyone for sharing it with me!

~Spitaalinen

Byakuyan puku

Hellou!

Oon ollu ny hetkisen aika paljon hiljaisempi. Elämässä on riittäny menoa ja varsinkin stressiä, käsistä puhumattakaan. Sain hiukkapikkasen taistella enne kun sain itelleni diaknoosin, ja nyt oon alottamassa hoitojaksoa. Hermothan siellä temppuilee, eikä temppuilekkaan mitenkään kivasti. Lisäksi on ollu ensi-iltaa ja yläasteen viimisiä kokeita, joten en tälleen bloggailun ääreen oo hirveesti ehtiny (Tampere Kupliin jätän kokonaan välistä, jos kuvia haluatte nähdä niin ---> Spitaalinen Cosplay)

Cosvision meni kanssa ohi, ja menikin oikein hyvin sen jälkeen kun olin kello yksi perjantai-lauantai yöllä vihdoin saanut cossin siihen kuntoon että silitys enää puuttuu. Byakuya oli kuitenkin onnistunut puku, ja ennen kuin kerron yhtään mitään (Joku muistaakseni vielä kysyikin minua hieman avaamaan prosessiani)

Aikaisimpia kuvia mitä mulla puvusta on, ois tämä:

Etin netistä hakaman kaavat ja mittasin pituuden noin puoleen sääreen (+ nejä senttiä kuminauhakujaa varten) Tein siis ihan levee lahkeiset hakamat, laitoin lahkeihiin kuminauhakujat, nii että pystyin nostaan lahkeet polven alle, ja käänsin vielä kuminauhan aiheuttamat rypyt piiloon)

Paidan tein karatepaidan pohjalla, ja hihoja vain levensin.

 Seuraavaks alotin maalailun. Käytin punasta ja keltasta kangasmaalia, sekä musta permanentti tussia. (Ja tietty viivotinta ja merkintäkynää) Piirsin nuo liekit vapaalla kädellä, joten ihan täyttä symmetriaa ei löydy, mutta eipä sitä löydy referenssikuvistakaan. Tuon alasinisen tein yksinkertaisesti leikkaamalla hihan alaosasta palasen pois ja ompelemalla hakamiin käyttämästäni kankaasta samanlaisen palasen tilalle.

Haorin tein samoista kaavoista kuin paidan ja tein siihen myös muotolaskokset ihan vain saadakseni sen levenemään alaspäin. Keltaset kuviot leikkasin toisesta kankaasta ja ompelin kuolleine käsieni kiinni.

Meikeistä: Käytin vaaleinta mahdollista normaalia puuteria (001) ja jotain "Suomalaisen vaalealle iholle" tarkotettua meikkivoidetta (ainaskin korviin) Ihan perus huulipuna, paksuhkot rajaukset ylös silmiin ja hyvin pienet alas. Mustaa ripsaria, valkonen kajaali,musta kulmakynä, lilat piilarit ja korvat. (Jotka laitoin kiinni alkoholiliukosel iholiimalla ja mulla on sitä vieläki korvassa)
Hiukset laitoin vain kampaukselle. Peruukkia en käyttänyt, joten ei siitä varmaan enempää.

(c) Santtu Pajukanta

 Tällänen kokonaisuus siitä sitten tuli. Sukat on ihan basic polvisukat, joihin vaan tein raot sandaaleille. Oon kauheen tyytyväinen itteeni, ei nii että puku ois mitenkään erikoinen, pikemminki se että näillä käsillä (jotka ei siis liiku mihinkään, kivuista puhumattakaan) Se on myös tosi mukava päällä =)

(c) Santtu Pajukanta

Musta tuli myös meijän Inuryhmässä aika nopeesti joukon Fabulous xD Onha Byakuya ny vähän sassy, huulipunat ja kaikki xDD

Mutta huomenna, jos ei oo ihan hirveetä migreeniä, jota vähän pelkään, niin kerron sitten Cisvisionista itsestään, cya~!!!

~Spitaalinen

Vampire Knight photoshoot

Heyah again!

Eli jonkinlaista Vampire Knight photoshoottia olen tehnyt täällä kertaa Takuma Ichijon ja Shiki Senrin vaatteissa (Shizukan olen tyytyväisenä piilottanut komeroon ja harkitsen jopa sen korjaamista ja myyntiä)

Mutta siis hieman takaperoisesti vedetynä Ichijoun shootissa mulla oli mukanani Rima ja Shikin shootissa tämä kyseinen Rima toimikin sitten kuvaajan roolissa. Ainakin onnistuimme saamaan pari kavera hurahtamaan IchiRima paritukseen xD Ite paritan kyllä IchiShikiä mut tarviin ittelleni jomman kumman cossaajan xD Tai miksi ei... voihan sitä ruveta muokkaan omia cossikuvia. Paitsi että oma kone meni rikki joken turvaudun äityliinin koneeseen parhaillani, nii ei voi ladata mitää kuvanmuokkausohjelmaa.

Mutta mennään ekaksi vaikka Ichijo kuviin :3

(c) Aada Harju

 Shiki ei tykkää, Shiki ei tykkää yhtään xD

(c) Aada Harju

 Shiki tykkää vielä vähemmän xD

(c) Aada Harju

 Tai sitten ne huonetovereina jakaa kaiken xD

(c) Aada Harju

 Selvä kolmiodraama

(c) Aada Harju

 Senri's not around --> Rima goes to Ichijo, Rima's not around --> Senri goes to Ichijo

(c) Aada harju

 Problem solved!! (And Rima, that hurst, could you possibly let go?)

(c) Aada Harju

 Koska toi liivi on liian onnistunu jäädäkseen piiloon xD

(c) Aada Harju

Pitää oikeasti sanoa, että tykkään tosta puvusta paljon enemmän ilman tota takkia. Tein siitä vähän turhan takin, ja se on oikeasti paksu ja vuoritettu ja kuuma xd Voi mua parkaa sitte kesäDesussa kun yhen päivän joudun hyppelemään tuo ylläni.

Mutta sitten vaikka Shikin kuviin, niin ei jäädä tuleen makaamaan :3

(c) Milla Korvenranta

 Itseasiassa, mä osaan soittaa vähän pianoa, tosin tuskin ihan niitä kappaleita mitä Shiki osais xD

(c) Milla Korvenranta

 En ees tiiä... Ehkä Pink Panter, ehkä Für Elize xDD

(c) Milla Korvenranta

 Shikin lukuhetki. olin hyvin mielenkiintosta ku toi kirja oli sellast 1900 luvun kirjallisuutta ja erittäin mielenkiintoisesti kirjotettu, joten repeilin koko ajan xD

(c) Milla Korvenranta

 Oli rankka ilta, juu...

(c) Milla Korvenranta

 Mökötetään sitte xD Rima ei antanukkaa pockeja

(c) Milla Korvenranta

Tiiän, ettei Shikillä oo ihan noin sinisiä silmiä, mutta en oo löytäny oikee mistää sellasii oikeen laisii... Pitäisköhä ettii Leville tarkotetut hahmopiilarit ku niillä ny on aika samanväriset silmät.
 

(c) Milla Korvenranta

 Aamutoimet, hiusten harjaus. Pitäis vähän muokkailla tota peruukkii viel ennen  desua, että sais sen hieman pörrösemmäks.

(c) Milla Korvenranta

 Ja teessä varmaan miljoona sokeripalaa xD

(c) Milla Korvenranta

 Jotenki kauheen forever alone kuva xD

(c) Milla Korvenranta

 I made that rose!!! I made that rose out of a serviette! xD

(c) Milla Korvenranta

 Rima please, could you keep your headdresses to yourself?

(c) Milla Korvenranta

 Kukkia <3 ja vielä vähän lisää kukkia xD

(c) Milla Korvenranta

Aaaah, siinä oli teille pieni satsi Vampire Knightia. Nyt voisin tästä hiippailla Reikon puvun updeittaamisen kimppuun, koska lauantaina kilpailemaan tampere Kupliiseen! Wish me luck!

~Spitaalinen

Pientä lomaa cosplaysta? (Ja Norjan kuvia)

Heippa ihmiset rakkaat.

Pieniä suru-uutisia tähän alkuun.
No siis, oon tässä kohta vuoden käyttäny rannetukea kirjoittamisen yms. ohella, ja nyt viimisen puoli vuotta lähes kokoaikaisesti, koska ranne tosi kipeä. Kouluterkkari on aina vaan sanonu että se on uusiutuva jännetupentulehdus, et kylä tulehduskipulääkkeet auttaa.
No, eivätpä ole auttaneet.
Sitten, viime maanantaina oli koulussa kuntotesti, jonka jälkeen sormet tärisi niin vimmatusti ja ruokailussa en pystyny pitää haarukkaa kädessä. Seuraavalla tunnilla taistelin kymmenen minuuttia oman nimen kirjottamisen kanssa. Sattu ranteeseen aivan helvetisti eikä sormis ollu lainkaa puristusvoimaa (Hyvä ku paperin pysty nostamaan) Menin sitte terkkarille ja tuo anto mulle kipulääkkeen ja lähetteen lääkärille.
Kipulääkkeen avulla sain enkun kokeen tehtyä, jonka jälkeen sormista oli kadonnu tunto, enkä pystyny liikuttaa niitä ollenkaan. Sen lisäks ranne oli niin huonossa kunnossa, etten saanu edes toisen käden avulla sitä käännettyä mihinkään suuntaan.

Käväsin sitten tiistaina lääkärissä ja tuo viidenminuutin puhumisen ja tutkimisen jälkeen totes, joo, että ei tää oo tulehdusta nähnykkään, hermot tässä on vialla. Pisti lähetteen hermoratatutkimuksiin ja totes etten saa käyttää kättä ennen niitä.

Tajusin etten voi kirjottaa...
Tai pelata...
Tai leikata saksilla...
Tai ees ommella....

Elämästä tuli kertaheitolla hankalampaa... Ja se taas tarkottaa sitä, et ennen sitä tutkimusta ainakaan en saa tehä cosseja. Kyrsii huomattavasti, varsinki nyt ku oon menossa Tampere Kupliiseen kilpaileen ja Cosvisionin asuu en oo viel ees alottanu.

Mutta iloisempiin aiheisiin, eli muutamia Norja & Islanti kuvia, olkaas hyvät (Ruotsinlaivalta kotoisin xD)

 Tää kuva on itseasiass ihan onnistunu =) Tykkään ainaki ite siitä (Ja vaihoin sen my Fanfictionin avatariks xD)

 Hipster mode activated xD Joo, teki mieli editoida näit kuvii sit jonkinverran enemmän xDD

 Bored as always, right, Norway? xD

 Just laying there, and Denmark approves xD Ja kukaan ei sano yhtään mitään mun jaloista

 Täst tuli kauhee "Say that again!" kuva, mut ei se mitään, musta se on ihan kiva =)

 Koska värit <3

 Norway looks deep into your soul xDD

 Koska kuvien editointi, ja Islannin ihanan surullinen yksinäisyys.

 Vähän lisää Islantia, ihanan siskoseni esittämänä (Puku tosin on mun käsialaa)

 Ja vielä vähän lisää... Näyttä kuva vähän vihreeltä, mutku toi Puffin xD

 Ultimate hipster mode, koska islannin kieli on jotain nii suloista <3

Ja tää... Musta vaan Norja on jotenki... No se työntää kaikki pois sen luota ja silti se välittää (ainaki Islannista) Joten musta se oli oman kuvansa arvoinen piirre.

Nooo, siinä taisi olla kaikki näin pikakirjoituskerralla (koska ranteeseen sattuu)

Cya~~

Spitaalinen

Närcon Vinter 2014

Heyah there :3

Writing in English this time, since I'll be talking about a con outside Finland.

So yeah, Närcon Vinter, was my first con abroad, and well... It was kinda interesting experience. First thing that kinda shocked me was that Närcon ltd. is for-profit organization. That gave me a little bad expression, and well, it showed.

(C) Yumi Kim

First thing was 2 hours line, before you even got your ticket (the bracelets are really beautifull by the way xD) In Finland I have never been in line more than 20 minutes, and that was because I was there before the doors were open. Next thing, I didn't like, was the food. We had food tickets, but they were worth only 30 kronor, and there were no vegetarian food. I have been a vegetarian for 5 years now and this was the forst time I really had to eat meat, only because I was so hungry and there was no shops anywhere near. I feel really bad about it, and next time (If there is a next time) I know to take my own food with me.

The cosplay competition was so boring. There were 73 competitioners, and they just walked trought the stage. People competed with bought costumes, and the judging system sucked. Over all, the level of cosplay was really low. There were few really good cosplays, some hand made cosplays, and the rest was bought costumes. (like 70% of them, at least) I didn't expect that at all.. I have always been thinking that finnish level of cosplay is low, but this event opened my eyes. Maybe it was just this con, maybe not, but it wasn't what I've been expecting.

(C) Yumi Kim

The sleeping halls... Well, we slept in a Sport center and guess what? We couldn't sleep at all. Yeah, the people were silent and all, but it was cold as hell. I slept with my hoodie and socks on, and in a same sleeping bag as my sister, but still the both of us were shaking from cold and couldn't sleep at all. At the maxinum it was probably something like +14 C or something. So no wonder I slept like 13 hours last night and I am still super tired.

And the programmes. Well I attended five of them. APH panel, APH 2P panel, SNK panel, Reika's question and ask and reika's meet and greed. That Snk panel was hilarious. Truly hilarious xD I say Levi-fish, and nothing more, try to understand xDD

About Reika... the question and ask... well, the tranlator sucked. She didn't speak Japanese all that well, and couldn't understand english well enough either. My friend (who is japanese) actually had to help her out many times. But no matter, I got to ask a guestion, and I felt my heart beat so clearly. In the meet & greed I waited for two hours, and got my photobooks almost first. Just for you to know, I've been Reika's fan for four years now, and she's like a good to me, and one of the reasons, why I didn't just stay as a closet otaku, but started cosplaying. And there I was, shaking like hell 10 minutes before it started. I stood like two meters away from her. Then the line started moving and it was my turn. I had thought everything what I wanted to say to her in japanese, but everything that I gor out of my mouth was "Konichiwa, Reika-sama" and "Arigato gozaimasu". I got a hug from her and a picture with her, and after that I walked to my friend who had been in front of me in the line, literally collapsed to her arms and started crying. (Reika actually gave me a compassionate look because of that) Really, I got to hug my god, and almost fainted because of it... Well I was shaking like a half an hour afterwards xDD Yeah, it's silly to get so worked up about something like that, but I can't tell you how much I had been looking forward to that day.

Koska joku osaa olla söpö yli kolmekymppisenäkin xDD

I met one of my not-so-big cosplay idols. I mean Vändetta cosplay's Cim. Yeah, it would have been so nice if the whole Vändetta had been there, but my gosh, I got to hug Cim as well <3 My life is now perfect. (Or it will be perfect after Cosvision, cause Kaname-sama will be coming there)


After all I had really fun. It was because of the wonderfull people, thou. Friday we spent our time with a Denmark and America cosplayers (And one Finnish Fem!China cosplayer), and I want to thank them, because I really had fun with them, I they are amazing persons :3 And because of that Denmark I never want to hear the word "Precis" again. Really, every time me, my sister and the China cosplayer started to speak finnish about something, she suddenly shouted "Precis! Jag håller med!" or something like that. 
We met few finnish swedish persons, a Finland cosplayer, a Teutonic Knights/Prussia cosplayer, and a Soviet Union/Russia cosplayer. We had fun with you as well. 

(c) Yumi Kim

Met some finnish people as well. (Some of them I already knew) but got some new friends from here as well. I'm really happy, to get to know so many different people, in so little time =) 

I had a wonderfull trip, and I will think about going to summer Närcon, not this year, but maybe next.
A lot of people called me cute, or wanted a picture of me/us. It made me really happy, and kept my spirit high. Even thought the con wasn't that good at all, I had really fun, and I was left with a good (and tired) feelings. Now I'm just sitting in my chair and missing all the people, I just met yerterday. 
 I hope I will meet them again someday :3

We got some photoshoot with my sister on our way there, but you'll see those pics later (in a next post, I'll say)

But yes, that was how my five-day ttrip to Sweden was.

~Spitaalinen